


Death, and Other Idiocies

by ForWhenImGone



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForWhenImGone/pseuds/ForWhenImGone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow Alice through adventures. Tragic adventures, like what happened to her mom. Dangerous adventures, like her encounter with a sinister spirit in the frozen food section at her local grocery store. Thrilling adventures, like her escapades with her buddy Death. And, yes, one particularly gruesome adventure, though we won't describe it here in great detail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death, and Other Idiocies

"By the pricking of my thumbs,  
Something wicked this way comes"  
[Enter Macbeth] - William Shakespeare

"Death doesn't exist. It never did, it never will. But we've drawn so many pictures of it, so many years, trying to pin it down, comprehend it, we've got to thinking of it as an entity, strangely alive and greedy. All it is, however, is a stopped watch, a loss, an end, a darkness. Nothing." - Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury (RIP)

 

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One

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"The hell I'm paying you!" Mr. Greene pounded his fist on the counter to emphasize this statement to Alice.

Behind him stood Death.

It wasn't the first time Alice had encountered Death. In her earliest recollection of Him, she was three, and watched with a bizarre numbness as he carried her mother away from their car wreckage. At the time the lack of a strong emotional response to the situation struck her stranger than the experience itself, but being born a seer had granted her an indifference to everything paranormal. She didn't classify seeing Death as shocking, more just a little unexpected.

As their encounters became common over the next nineteen years she had mastered the art of ignoring Death - and all things supernatural - despite how damn good looking he might be. Instead she concentrated on the portly high school principal that was currently sputtering incoherently at her.

"Mr. Greene, the wedding cake is exactly as you requested." she gestured to said cake. A beautiful, extravagantly bright, and showy three tiered masterpiece that had taken her four hours to bake and two days to decorate. Her dedication not to her craft, but to the commission she knew such a large order would allot her; allowing her to pay the rent on time. That is, if the guy would actually pay up.

"I specifically requested white." Mr. Greene swatted away her response with an awkward wave of his hand, "Not pineapple."

Alice's eyes narrowed. She knew where this was going; it wouldn't be the first time someone had tried to argue a free dessert from her bakery. Her confections were renowned all over the city and the reputation didn't come without just cause or price. Price is the issue here not flavor, you tasteless schmuck, she mentally chastised.

"Mister Greene," Alice enunciated every syllable of his name. "Our contract clearly stated pineapple. I have the document in the backroom if you'd like me to go get it for you."

The man turned on his heels and pulled out his cell phone as he began to pace her shop. "My daughter is going to be devastated. The reception is only a few hours away. What are you going to do to fix this mess?"

"What am I going to do?" Alice definitely crossed her arms over her chest as she watched the chubby man walk back and forth. Death winked conspiratorially at Alice as he followed behind her customer. His emerald eyes twinkled with mischief. "Listen you, those flowers were hand made from sugar, not some Play-Doh molding press and the icing isn't out of a prepackaged tub. You wanted the best cake for your daughter's wedding and you can have it once you pay for it."

Mr. Greene loosened his tuxedo tie and placed his cell phone to his ear, presumably to give his newlywed daughter the bad news about her cake. "I only came to this bakery because of all the outstanding reviews it got in the paper, but if this is how you treat your clientele, I'll be sure to mail in a review of my own. Is it the most or least rotten tomatoes that gives you a bad score?"

Alice's eyes shifted from her stingy client to the Grim Reaper. He was still treading behind Mr. Greene as if playing a game of follow the leader. Is this why you're here? Am I going to snap and kill this man?

Death's lips quirked like He was suppressing the urge to smile.

Mr. Greene stopped suddenly, causing Death to almost knock into him. Phone still pasted to his ear, he looked over his shoulder following Alice's gaze. An odd squeak left his throat. He dropped his cell and the color in his face drained in nearly an instant.

"Oh crap." Alice muttered. People - normal people - were only able to see Death once and usually that was the last thing they ever saw. If Mr. Greene had spied Ol' Grim, than chances were he was about to kick the bucket.

The man fell to his pudgy knees as Alice hurriedly shimmied around the counter. "Not here." She hissed at Death. "Not in my shop."

By the time she reached Mr. Greene, his crumpled form was twitching on her newly waxed showroom floor, his hand clutching his chest. It seemed as if he was trying to speak but his tongue had gone fat and limp. He began to drool.

"Mr. Greene? Mr. Greene, can you hear me?" She could see Death's hand reach for the man and had to stifle the urge to slap it away.

She moved back as Death's long dexterous fingers waved above the fat man. A large circle appeared on the floor around his body, framed by runic symbols. There was a brilliant flood of light. When the spots cleared from Alice's vision she could see the circle and the symbols drift off the ground and vanish like smoke; Mr. Greene's essence with it.

"Daddy? Dad, are you still there?" came a disembodied voice from Mr. Greene's cell phone.

Alice gingerly picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Who's this?" Bridezilla wanted to know. "Where's my father?"

Alice glared at Death. He merely shrugged his shoulders in disinterest now that his job was done. She wanted to punch him in his wickedly handsome face.

"I'm sorry sweetie." She looked down at the lifeless body on display in her bakery. "I'm afraid your father... He, um... D-did your dad have a heart condition?"

"Oh my God!" the woman shrieked, followed by a slew of incomprehensible sobs and wails.

Alice put the phone to her chest, to Death she whisper/shouted, "You couldn't have waited 'til he left the store or at the very least paid for the damn cake? Not only is having a dead guy in my bakery bad for business, I have to deal with this." She shook the phone, its touch screen display lighting up and showing a picture of the late Mr. Greene's daughter.

Death and Alice frowned at the image.

"If it's any consolation, he wasn't planning on paying for the cake anyway." Grim gave her a gloating smile and wiggled his fingers in a coy wave before he disappeared like grains of sand being swept away by the breeze.

She figured He was probably right, but sadly the man's death did not make up for the fact she would once again be late paying her rent. She'd never hear the end of it from her landlady Mrs. Cope.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. This little drabble came about while writing Misnomer, kind of wanted to play on the light side of dark. Hope you enjoy it. This was done with no beta, and against my better judgement, without the once over of my mentor DurtyNelly, so all errors are mine.  
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> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No infringements intended. All original intellectual property is solely owned by its creator; the author.
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